'Sometimes I Think, Sometimes I Am'

I don’t know if I should be happy or sad about the fact I just realized recently. You know all these epic books and films about the artists? Sometime ago I realized that I meet of all the stereotypes about the typical artist. Wish I had more time to actually make art though.

somehow my drawings seem to change a little
 everytime I move/go somewhere new

But despite that fact nothing in my life seems to be normal. For example, I finally managed to move from zone 6 to zone 3. Due to many circumstances, as the lack of money etc, I ended up in the bohemian attic room – the type of the room most of the artists would live in.

Also…

I am still broke…

I keep losing all the possible things, still surprised I got my head on my shoulders.

Got fed up trying to find excuses not to go to watch a film with some creative art student who is at least ten years older than I am.

I work in the Japanese shop (which made me pretty spoilt after eating all the Japanese food such as okonomiyaki, takoyaki, sushi, sashimi, etc almost every day and where I meet amazing people and get to practice my clumsy Japanese language skills).

I am meeting a journalist to give (one more) interview! Will let you know how it went!

Godknows what I gonna tell – the true, I guess…

Sometimes I just wonder why can’t I just live like most of the ‘normal’ people, you know?!

People take for granted the fact if I am clumsy, absent – minded, put on some colourful clothes on, etc – ‘these artists’ – they say, but to be honest, I do nothing but I am myself and sometimes I just think wouldn’t it be easier to be a good, tidy girl who meets the guy like her and lives happily ever after…

'Sometimes I Think, Sometimes I Am' illustrated by Sara Fanelli 

One day I found a nice illustrated book called 'Sometimes I Think, Sometimes I Am' illustrated by Sara Fanelli and I feel in love with it! It has dozens of thought provoking quotes with lovely illustrations! Well, one day...

I keep remembering one pretty random incident from when I was a small girl which I think kind of fits now.

Me and my mom would spend summers near the Baltic Sea and usually I would just spend days lying on the beach, reading children books, silly girl magazines and would just simply keep daydreaming (as I wasn’t most social kid, afterall). I remember there was some kind of personality test in one of these magazines. I don’t remember the questions (something silly, I guess) but somehow I still remember what the answer said. It said something about my multiple (or something like that) personality and that I will end up meeting people of all sorts – from smart geeks to crazy artists. And I remember being extremely disappointed by the fact that I will probably end up with no stable relationships etc, but at least I will have what to laugh at and remember when I get old. What a relief when you feel like wanting some kind of stability in your life NOW.

beautiful walls of the beautiful buildings in the beautiful city

I know it was a silly test as I must have been no more than ten back then. But I just can’t stop being surprised how true that random article was, probably written just for the sake of being written.

I remember while back in my geeky school I always felt like someone who doesn’t belong there due to spending too much time daydreaming and drawing and now, when I finally got to meet many creative people, something inside me started admiring the ‘stable’ kind of people, people who wake up at the same hour each morning, put on the same kind of suit, take the same route to and from work, eat the same lunch in the same café…

me and my two Lauras 

I wonder why? Even though I wonder why at the same time I get annoyed if others want me to become ‘normal’ like the sort of people I secretly admire?!

Maybe you know the answer?

All the best,

G.