'As I Was Moving Ahead Occasionally I Saw Brief Glimpses of Beauty'

Hi again!

a rare occasion when someone takes a picture of me
so you know who is blagging all that nonsense here!

Tonight I would like to share some of mine thoughts that are a bit more negative/sarcastic/honest than I even would like myself.

Last summer while being an intern  in the National Gallery of Art in my hometown Vilnius, Lithuania I learnt many invaluable lessons. And, what surprises me, that some of these lessons I got to understand only now.

For example, I got to see some of the films by Jonas Mekas, one of a few artists and filmmakers Lithuanians are extremely proud of. Please google him if you have a spare minute!

young Jonas Mekas

His films I’ve seen are like visual diaries – the authentic video footage with his mellow voice on top telling personal stories.

So, there is my clumsy summary on one of the stories he told in the film called ‘As I Was Moving Ahead Occasionally I Saw Brief Glimpses ofBeauty’ (2000):

Jonas Mekas migrated to USA together with his brother in his twenties. And, at first, they spent some time in one of the cities crowded with other Lithuanians where the whole Lithuanian families lived in strange fantasy world – they even held the regular meetings about how they will come back to Lithuania when it’s all okay there again – the political and the economical situation, all that stuff!

And after having spent some time like this Jonas Mekas suddenly realized that he literally got stuck. As people around him were stuck in some sort of dreams and fantasies that will never come true and that all these regular meetings and fancy Lithuanian parties were only a mean to calm themselves so that maybe they don’t have to admit that they are never coming back to their motherland. Therefore, after having realized the hopelessness of the situation Jonas Mekas and his brother were in they left the Lithuanian community and, if I remember correctly, moved to Manhattan.

And there they started to make a living working all the random jobs, staying alive only on coffee and sandwiches which after sometime they became sick of…

And after the struggles he eventually got to meet such people as Salvador Dali, John Lennon and Yoko Ono and the others and created the Fluxus movement, eventually created many great things back in Lithuania as well, etc.

I guess you understand what I wanted to say ‘between the lines’ while retelling you this short story.

It’s just that the recent experiences made me realize some things once more and made me come up with some conclusions as well as actually do something serious about my life here.

I am not telling that we have to forget our Nationality, our roots or stuff like that. No way!

But, to be very honest with you all, I just got really sick of the fact that very often we Lithuanians cling to each other only because of the same Nationality and forget where we really are. Because it is easier this way, isn’t it?

And even though my best friend here in London is a Lithuanian I like the fact that we got to know each other only through creating the designs for some products.

So, sorry if I am being too honest here, but, the sudden growth of the Lithuanian acquaintances who remember me whilst I am here in London made me realize all this I just confessed to you.

I lost the count of people, Lithuanians and not, whom I met and whom I spent ages talking to, but I got tired of the hours spent talking about things but not actually doing anything.

 Maybe because I always choose the most difficult path or maybe because I am trying to prove something to someone.

That I am not stuck, that I am different, that I am better, that I can do more, that I didn’t come here to work as a slave and save every penny. I know all this myself but some hidden little monster inside me keeps showing through and makes me ask myself all these questions again, again and again.

But maybe it’s not such a bad thing, I think. This way we realize what we really want, I guess.

(by: Julee Yoo)
 It's so hot here in the Big City that lying on the grass
 or on any other possible (cold) surface is the only thing I want to do

What do you think about this? Maybe I am just being too dramatic once more!

Anyway, I am off to sleep!