Today is one of these strange days.
When I decided to stay at
home all day (well… that place I live at the moment can hardly be called home
as I am getting out of there any second I can). And today I befriended a stray
cat and a Lithuanian Tesco staff member (this is what happens when I spend
hours on my phone in the most random places).
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| Found this today - quite like it - should print it out and stick it on my door! |
I missed my Vietnamese martial arts session again – this
time with the excuses of not being able to afford the bus tickets and with the
serious intentions of sending as many art-related CVs as possible even though I
keep getting all these advices that I should now focus only on… hmmm…
basically, how to survive. But please kill me then if it actually happens. So, I
sent a few emails eventually. Not because I was too lazy to send loads.
But because
I spent loads of time trying to find something I can put myself in at all. I can’t
really call myself a proper graphic designer or some kind of PR specialist or
anything like that.
I am ashamed to admit that I missed some arty deadlines my
dearest friends recommended me due to being too caught up and stressed out
about my new job which I am still unsure I will end up having after the
training ends.
I just sometimes wish my brain wouldn’t have to handle so
many different tasks at once. Not to mention my poor friend Laura whom I went
to hospital with due to her ear infection, the money I am running out of etc. I
was feeling pretty down recently. There are many things I could blame for
making me feel like this. But the main reason is, I guess, the almost-constant
feeling that I am bumping into some kind of dead-end way too many times. Sometimes
I wonder that maybe Indians are right to believe that if you were born as a
member of one Caste, you are cursed to stay in the same social status forever. So
as your children, your grand-children etc.
Sometime ago when I came to London only for a few days back
in May I asked my friends for an advice and what do they think – is there any
chance for me as an artist in this big big world.
And I liked one answer – that there are two answers I might
get:
1)
Some people will say that it is impossible
and
2)
Some will say that I should just follow my dream
and everything will be alright.
But as I was told by my friend both answers are wrong. The right
one is somewhere in the middle.
It is not impossible.
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| Getting on the first bus stop has some advantages - at least you get the best seat and have more than enough time to read, finish off the morning coffee and eat the breakfast! Did I mention that I still have to take the tube after?! |
So, while having to focus on all the
boring things such as finding a new place to live and do my best at work so
that I am not kicked out I still have to find energy to do the things I love
doing. And then, I will admit, it is a bit painful to be rejected numerous
creative opportunities only because I have no choice but to have a job to keep
me going which at the same time stops me from being fully flexible and fully
available. But I will better stop complaining. There are many things I can’t
change so I should better focus on the ones I can. I think I am getting there,
slowly but getting there!
For example, one lovely gallery curator here in London whom I
met few weeks ago was more than pleased to have me working with them as a
volunteer on their events, logo, etc.
By the way, we got our Uni results today but, to be honest, I
couldn’t care less about my marks. As it is Fine Art – how can you evaluate
such course? And I have way too many things on my plate already. But, at least,
one more stage is officially completed. With pretty good mark from some second
rated University. Sorry all my tutors for calling it this way, I know it has
been voted as one of the best Unis in Northwest or something like that, but
here in London no one has a clue where the hell University of Central
Lancashire is and if it is in Preston why don’t we call it that way then?
I could tell you loads and loads of things but I know that
you will get fed up reading all this. I know I should be taking more pictures
as well, I still promise that!
I still keep forgetting that it is summertime - with all the
cloudy skies above the London buildings and all the things to do!
(Remember I found that song sometime ago while still in Preston as I liked the name of the band!)
But I will tell you more about all this the next time!
Gabi
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