Time to Learn Some Basics of the London Grammar

Today is one of these strange days. 

When I decided to stay at home all day (well… that place I live at the moment can hardly be called home as I am getting out of there any second I can). And today I befriended a stray cat and a Lithuanian Tesco staff member (this is what happens when I spend hours on my phone in the most random places).

Found this today - quite like it -
should print it out and stick it on my door!

I missed my Vietnamese martial arts session again – this time with the excuses of not being able to afford the bus tickets and with the serious intentions of sending as many art-related CVs as possible even though I keep getting all these advices that I should now focus only on… hmmm… basically, how to survive. But please kill me then if it actually happens. So, I sent a few emails eventually. Not because I was too lazy to send loads.

But because I spent loads of time trying to find something I can put myself in at all. I can’t really call myself a proper graphic designer or some kind of PR specialist or anything like that.

I am ashamed to admit that I missed some arty deadlines my dearest friends recommended me due to being too caught up and stressed out about my new job which I am still unsure I will end up having after the training ends.

I just sometimes wish my brain wouldn’t have to handle so many different tasks at once. Not to mention my poor friend Laura whom I went to hospital with due to her ear infection, the money I am running out of etc. I was feeling pretty down recently. There are many things I could blame for making me feel like this. But the main reason is, I guess, the almost-constant feeling that I am bumping into some kind of dead-end way too many times. Sometimes I wonder that maybe Indians are right to believe that if you were born as a member of one Caste, you are cursed to stay in the same social status forever. So as your children, your grand-children etc.

Sometime ago when I came to London only for a few days back in May I asked my friends for an advice and what do they think – is  there any chance for me as an artist in this big big world.

And I liked one answer – that there are two answers I might get:

          1)      Some people will say that it is impossible

          and

          2)      Some will say that I should just follow my dream and everything will be alright.

But as I was told by my friend both answers are wrong. The right one is somewhere in the middle.

It is not impossible. 

Getting on the first bus stop has some advantages -
at least you get the best seat and have more than enough time
to  read, finish off the morning coffee and eat the breakfast!
Did I mention that I still have to take the tube after?!

So, while having to focus on all the boring things such as finding a new place to live and do my best at work so that I am not kicked out I still have to find energy to do the things I love doing. And then, I will admit, it is a bit painful to be rejected numerous creative opportunities only because I have no choice but to have a job to keep me going which at the same time stops me from being fully flexible and fully available. But I will better stop complaining. There are many things I can’t change so I should better focus on the ones I can. I think I am getting there, slowly but getting there!

For example, one lovely gallery curator here in London whom I met few weeks ago was more than pleased to have me working with them as a volunteer on their events, logo, etc.

By the way, we got our Uni results today but, to be honest, I couldn’t care less about my marks. As it is Fine Art – how can you evaluate such course? And I have way too many things on my plate already. But, at least, one more stage is officially completed. With pretty good mark from some second rated University. Sorry all my tutors for calling it this way, I know it has been voted as one of the best Unis in Northwest or something like that, but here in London no one has a clue where the hell University of Central Lancashire is and if it is in Preston why don’t we call it that way then?

I could tell you loads and loads of things but I know that you will get fed up reading all this. I know I should be taking more pictures as well, I still promise that!

I still keep forgetting that it is summertime - with all the cloudy skies above the London buildings and all the things to do!

(Remember I found that song sometime ago while still in Preston as I liked the name of the band!)

But I will tell you more about all this the next time!

Gabi

All that glitters is not gold

Hi again, 

One day I just woke up and dragged myself to Eel Pie Island in Thames River. Beautiful out there.

I don’t even know where to start this time. Not that I have known all the other times before.

Let’s see… I started working in the Japanese shop – café in West London. Still have to finish the paperwork but I just keep my fingers crossed that I do not fail miserably (did I mention you that I got confused with my timetable and didn’t notice that I had to go to work so went to my Degree Show instead?! But luckily the boss was only worried and more understanding than I thought! I guess nothing can be really worse than missing your first day at work, how do you think?)

I am also occasionally dragged to Vietnamese martial arts class which, to be honest, I started to like. But due to the lack of Time Management skills I keep missing most of them.

It’s interesting, I noticed, how multicultural London really is! I speak in Japanese at work, listen Russian instructions in these Martial Arts activities, already got to meet and befriend people from Latvia, Iran, India, Jamaica, Northern Ireland, Romania, China, Japan, Italy and places I don’t even remember!

I will admit one thing to you, guys, but I never thought that I had my nose up, but now I understand that I really did. Being from the Capital, posh school and all that jazz… But since coming to England, and, especially, London, I got to experience way more of the reality than in all these years while I was still at home. While I was still at school or Uni the question I hated most was ’what are you going to do when you graduate?’, now the question I can’t stand is: ‘when are you coming back home/for holiday?’ And then I ask THEM to come there instead and everyone is like ‘oh, but it’s expensive!’ As if it was cheaper for me you may think!

And then I just wonder what should I start my answer with?

To say that I am not coming back yet?

That I can still hardly afford buying the fare ticket to get to work which I just started?

That I enjoy finally experiencing the life it really is – including waking up early to catch the bus to work and to be judged by my abilities not by the name of my school?

That I chose to finally stop procrastinating the real life and, therefore, didn’t enrol to Masters before I really feel the need for it?

That our home is where we make ourselves feel like home at?

And all the other possible answers that I am often too afraid to answer directly.

Who knows, maybe I should have gone to the interview in Canary Wharf or should have agreed on the fake marriage and dozens of other completely random opportunities?!

I was asked to do some artworks for one musician’s song just now. I just fell in love with her song – it is called ‘The Girl Who Lost Her Smile’. Sometimes I feel like this girl – not because I don’t know how to smile, somehow I learnt to appreciate the small things I never did appreciate before and stopped smiling at the things most of people do actually smile. And, to be honest, something else also changed inside me. Some of my moral values changed drastically and I can hardly believe how naïve I was before getting to all this ‘arty’ business. But, who knows, maybe it is a good thing I was so naïve back then – I would have ended up doing Economics as 50% of my family members, but, unlike them, I believe I would have miserably failed.

I don’t even know myself what exactly I want to tell you guys this time – sometimes I just wish one thing – that I stopped feeling guilty because of one thing. Not because of my nationality, my gender or anything like that – but, for some reasons, very often I find myself in really awkward situation when I can feel people judging what I am doing, and what I mean is, that, how come, I am trying to survive as an artist one day if now I am working in the shop and didn’t end up in some prestigious gallery just straight after the Uni? And then I start feeling guilty. Feeling guilty that I didn’t choose a ‘proper’ degree so that even working in the shop would be a ‘degree-related’ job, or, what is worse, why wasn’t I ‘lucky’ enough to have a banker dad/husband?

I don’t know why I am writing all these crazy thoughts down for you but I just want to be honest as the honesty is one of a few things I still believe and admire in this big world.


I like these songs and not only because:
1) My friend showed me this band and I found the fact of the girls throwing up the glitter pretty metaphorical; 
2) when my mp3 died I discovered that nice 'LES Artistes' song in the old-school mp3 player my friend gave me and the album cover has some glitter as well!

I remember back in Uni one lecturer gave us a lecture on the importance of the artists’ mental health. Because, you see, being an artist is a stressful, lonely and emotionally challenging job. Which I completely agree with. In the end of the lecture we were asked who of us wants to be an artist and I raised my hand without giving it a second thought. As well as a few more fellow students. You see, when I just came from Lithuania to England three years ago and tutors called us Artists, I was shocked – how can I be an artist if I haven’t graduated yet?! But then, gradually, I was brainwashed, as well as the guy in G. Orwell’s ‘1984’, I guess. And, I didn’t even notice when I started calling myself an Artist myself. Not because I would believe I have already achieved the heights of the artistic career or something like that. But this is what I do. That’s it. So, back to the lecture… and then, the other question she asked was ‘who of us feels confident of becoming an artist?’ and I was the only one to have raised my hand. To everyone’s surprise. Yes, I know, it may sound selfish and enthusiastic, but I am confident enough in my abilities. Or, I should say, I was brainwashed, therefore, I have become like this.

What surprised me back then was the other thing which I am going to end this little entry with. Why, of all the 40 people in the room, whom I was the only one with no stable financial background, no family in the same country, no wealthy fiancée, no maintenance loan… why was I the one who raised my hand?

Here are some songs by Linda Campbell, the singer we are working with at the moment:

Promote your mixtape at ReverbNation.com

La La La

Things never turn out as we expect them to. 

But somehow they do seem to turn out in the best possible way, don't you think?

you can find my animations in my website!

Last Friday it was our Degree Show which for some personal reasons understandable probably only for me I had decided to ignore at first and just stay in London. But the last minute I changed my mind, anyway, there were still some last goodbyes left to say and some things to bring with me.

So, here I went. But, thanks for the Almighty Megabus which literally got stuck in the middle of nowhere several times I arrived more than late after getting changed in bus station toilet and answering some random calls to come to some interviews on my way dragging a massive suitcase behind me (to be packed later) I eventually arrived in the middle of the Degree Show with all the wine drunk so I couldn't even drown my sorrows of missing out on half of the kind of the most important day in the University life. I am being sarcastic here, of course.

And for my biggest surprise, while wandering through the studios with my friend I received a call from my lovely friend Cath whom I met in Romania two years ago and who told me that she is now my degree show looking for me! I guess this is all what we need sometimes – people around us who care about us and whom we care about. Probably, this was one of the reasons for my reluctance to participate in the actual Degree Show in Preston – that my family and most of my friends are scattered everywhere but Preston. And, even if for a few minutes – I got to meet wonderful people and so often I don’t even realize how many wonderful people surround me and support me and believe in me and that I care about and, sadly, I forget to express this often enough. I guess some people would literally freak out if they knew how inspiring and important they are in my life but sometimes I don’t even know myself what prevents me from expressing all these positive feelings? 

So, thank you everyone for your love and support through all these unexpected photographs in my letter box, arty and life advice, inspiring messages, skype calls, everything! I am sending my biggest love back to everyone of you even if I tend to forget and delay to answer to the messages and letters!

And in the end  - some more random London beauty - I came across these York House Park House Statues I just fell in love with them - I think this is how I was feeling being stuck on that delayed bus to my Degree Show!

 

and they somehow reminded me of the works by my beloved Japanese artist Makoto Aida I got to see this spring:

P.S.: Don't know why but I just love this song my friend showed me - sometimes when I get too many questions I don't feel like answering I just want ro sing along and cover my ears like that cute boy

and that video reminded me that there is still a great exhibition on -
of Native American Portraits by George Catlin now in National Portrait Gallery

CRAZY times: the JOB edition

I have never thought so many things can change so drastically in one week.

me after the trial shift being disappointed about
 the fact that someone else was recommended
 and they will probably choose that person

I wish I had more time (or, I should rather say - more will and more energy) to write about everything for you guys but I will do my best!

As you might remember from the last entry, I was really fed up with all the interviews and extremely disappointed by myself and, therefore, I had already agreed on one extremely boring job.

I don’t even want to remember all this now – how horrible it felt to realize that you will be doing something you just honestly hate for at least 30 hours per week. But then some realization stuck me – yes, probably I am just too proud for some jobs, and too lazy and too selfish and all that stuff. But after having already agreed on working this mega boring and horrible job and having promised to come back the next day, I suddenly received a call.

Apparently I sent my CV while still in Preston ages ago to some Japanese place in London and they wanted me to come for the interview if I am still looking for a job.

And I was like… ‘ermm… yes, okay, what time… where?!...’

Eventually it ended up agreeing on the interview on the day and time when I was supposed to start my new boring and horrible job.

I even forgot the number of the interviews like this that led me to nowhere so far. But, in the end, after calling my poor mum and all the possible friends and being scolded that it is me who has to decide, I literally quit my boring job only for the opportunity to have an interview, which, in best case would lead to a trial shift, which then might lead to a job. Hopefully!

Anyway, in the end, to cut the story short, I got the job in the Japanese shop/cafe called Yoyo Kitchen in West Acton. I will be selling sushi and Japanese sweets in the posh posh place of London where I won’t even probably be able to find a cheap place to live so don’t even ask me what time I will be waking up! But apparently our chef made sushi for Madonna and the others!

waiting for a train to go the interview and to get out the faraway land
- bloody zone 6 - where I get live in at the moment

And, yes, I know, it is not Tate Modern or something like that. But I am being realistic here.

And, at the moment, I am really happy to have crossed out one task from my long long to do list.

Probably, the funniest thing is that that CV was probably the first one I sent!

Hope it all goes well!

and this is what I got used to see when I finally get off the train

What a relief to have some more stable guidelines and schedule in my life again!

P.S.: There are still way more things I am looking for and doing but I will let you know once I know something for sure!

P.P.S.: A random joy of London - I rediscovered the joy of reading the books  I like for longer than 3 minutes on all these train journeys I get to take as you actually got to spend some time sitting/standing in one place and before that I would usually always have some excuses to distract me!

In FRIENDS We Trust

Hi again! 

I would like to apologize in advance for the possible negative sarcasm in this blog entry.

There are way too many reasons to be extremely excited/upset and I would just literally go crazy while trying to describe at least some of them. But this time I would like to talk about how the honesty is the luxury I almost can’t afford in too many ways. But I will just focus on a few examples this time.

So, from my short several random interviews’ experience, I came to some new conclusions that basically you are more than likely to fall to the category of the unlucky ones if you meet one or more of these criteria:

·     Your nearest tube stop isn’t the same as the nearest tube stop to the place you are applying to (your explanations that you are about to move more central do not help)

·         No one knows where your uni you graduated from is and they don’t understand why it isn’t called after the city but after the region

·        You succeed as well as some mr X but because you were not recommended unlike that mr X you are more than unlikely to get a job

·         When you must have at least a part-time job to survive so that you can afford being an almost unpaid intern – you will be thought of being too picky and it is way too inconvenient for them not to have your availability 24/7 for these few pennies per week ( a shame I can’t be alive on water and use the free flying carpet instead of a very ‘cheap’ tube and stuff like that)

·      Your name, surname, nationality, the geography of your life etc. all sound way too exotic and for some strange reasons you are asked if your family lives in London (I should start lying on this one as well)

·         And some more similar ridiculous things I can’t remember now and that make me both cry and laugh at the same time

(please don’t forget that it is only my personal opinion and there are some nice exceptions I came across as well but about all this next time)

But, my conclusion this time would be – it’s not impossible to find a job in a week. I think I did find at least one already. But eventually I had to use an old good method called ‘connections’ myself to find are place that is actually looking for people. Because at the moment I simply can’t afford to carry on being honest and keep commuting to every single interview every single day for any random job I applied which would hopefully help me to survive. To be honest, this is not how I expected to end up – but as we all know – time is money – and once I have (hopefully) found a job to keep me going financially then I am able to focus on some more arty stuff again. 

And, on the bright side…

Last time me and Noru met was on the plane 2,5 years ago!

It has been an amazing weekend – despite having learnt some life lessons you just read above I finally met my two lovely friends Laura and Norgaile there in London which was like fresh air as only when I met them I realized how easy sometimes it is to forget the most important things and people in our life while being focused only on a few tasks as for example, how to get a bloody job. 

I will tell you more about my amazing friends some next time as well, will think of an interesting way!

Banksy's 'In Tesco We Trust' I came across today (near Angel tube)

And one of the nice surprises today was… accidently stumbling upon Banksy’s work near Angel tube! Isn’t it just a little ironical how his graffiti is now all covered under the glass so no one can spoil it and it kind of becomes similar to these gallery exhibits we keep seeing hidden under the glass? I am still unsure what should I think about this phenomenon as putting the graffiti under the glass kind of goes against all what graffiti stands for, don’t you think so?

Nevertheless, I thought that both, Banksy and my little job hunting discoveries are kind of similar in a way that if you want to get somewhere you sometimes have to find your own way to go around the certain rules, I guess.

this is how it looked when it was ehm.. clean...

Unexpectedly honest with you this time,

Gabriele

Metamorphosis

Hi again!

You can see the big excitement in my face as I am wearing a mega-cool-not-boring-at-all navy jacket and I am all literally tangled in the sea of all not-the-same-at-all black trousers and T-shirts last minutes before the  shop closes

There are so many crazy things I could be telling you about right now – but I’d rather go to sleep if you don’t mind – as I really selfishly spent two hours lying on the grass in the park in Greenwich trying to recover from my 4 hours of unpaid trial shift and trying to connect some dots in my mind. And then, of course, it took me 2 – 3 hours to come back due to my wonderful navigation skills and the fact that I lost my map, of course.

I went the wrong direction then (what a surprise!) - well, at least, the sight was lovely!

So, after a week here in London here are some more statistics, facts and conclusions:

4 interviews + 1 trial shift attended so far.

I also received an email from a journalist interested in me and my creative practice (even though, sadly, the biggest creative achievement recently has only been my constant blagging and that’s pretty much it)

As well as one more email from my friend who is going to spend a year in Japan from this September and I don’t even want to think about the possibility of not seeing her for the whole following year. So I better think of a way to see her… and everyone else… everywhere else.

Got some extremely exciting last minute purchases for all these interviews and trial shift including: dark navy jacket, black trousers, black plain shirt, black tights, light colour tights and stuff like that. Basically, neither of the stuff I would actually choose on my own will. Ah, Primark, what would I do without you! At least I got a free tortilla so far, awesome!

I still keep getting lost between the train station and my home that are literally 5 minutes apart. Don’t ask me how it’s possible.

I keep postponing one more interview for an extremely boring and difficult job that I might get only because I know some certain people. But I guess I have no choice, really.

Oh yes, connections, connections, connections – that’s really helpful here, especially when you have spent 20/22 of your lifetime OUTSIDE this city!

Sometimes I start considering maybe I should invest in some fake tan + bleach my hair blonde and go to one of these clubs in the Bank so that I attract some rich middle-aged sugar daddy working in one of the tall skyscrapers in The City. I am only joking of course.

And, even though I still have no clue where, how and when I will get any closer to what is at least a bit closer to my dream rather than be selfishly wasting the last change on the tube fare I am grateful for all these experiences I had – this one week only was a real eye opener for me in some ways that I did not even expect. But about all these existential things maybe next time! I am just so thankful to my friends and family who (hopefully) still believe in me! 

P.S.: I can’t stop listening to this Philip Glass album my friend recommended me – hope you like it as well! Goodnight~

the Good, the Bad & the Ugly Facts of Life

I do not really like taking pictures of myself and I think I look horrible in this

 one but for a sake of a fresh new start and  for the documentation of the Tangled In Triangles 

project puposes I thought it is kind of a must to take one of myself here in London 

Welcome back to Tangled In Triangles again!

 How have you been recently?

The word 'hectic' isn't even enough to describe all the adventures and happenings that my little brain is experiencing.

At the moment I 100% agree with Chris Piascic

So  far I managed:

  

To go to an amazing and, hopefully useful, event about how to promote myself as an artist

To meet a very lovely artist from Russia and an extremely passionate curator from Italy.

To be commissioned to do wedding invitation designs for someone‘s wedding

To (hopefully) have my artist friend coming over to visit me in few weeks

To have drawn exactly zero drawings and to have taken way too little photos for my Tangled In Triangles blog

And I feel exactly as Alice felt

as well as:

To get an interview in the perfect place.

To get lost and to be embarassingly late for that interview.

To be having one more interview for not such an exciting place sometime soon

To spend way more money than planned due to the lack of knowledge where everything is.

To get lost, get off the train in the wrong stop etc for way too many times

To get registered in the Public Library and use the printing facilities together with other ‘non-working‘ people.

To spend 3 hours trying to print out my CVs there and then finding a nearest possible shop to get a stapler.

To get over my pride and practice a smiling face when asking if the cafes and shops have any vacancies availble.

To like and subscribe to 100s of more or less relevant websites.

To stay in the the pretty cheap house in the posh but way too remote area (the owner of the house knew Bob Marley when he was young!)

To promise to start taking up Wietnamese martial arts with my friends

To be promised to earn easy money by selling mobile phones, catalogues, stocks and godknowswhatelse! (yeah, sure!)

To keep being surprised by summery looking people as I keep forgetting that it is summer already

To start hating the ‚my CV me‘ by sending all the CVs to godknowswhere

To have a nice skype chat with my German and Hungarian friends and not to have enough time for everyone

And... it‘s been like 4 days only!

That‘s all for now – was asked to make some zuccini pancakes for the dinner and have to send more CVs!

(I think Daughter in her song 'Run' feels Tangled In Triangles as well)

With lots of love,

Gabi

P.S. While writing a blog post I got a really strange call - will tell you all about it next time!